Monday, November 01, 2004

"Trick or treat!"

"Trick or treat!" I hear excitedly when I opened the front door tonight. I wondered, is this group of children going to be any different........

Now I am not one of those rabid fundamentalists who thinks there is actually a verse in the bible forbidding kids from dressing up like Freddy Kruger. Neither am I one to turn my nose up at a relatively new custom simply because it immigrated from the United States to NZ in its present form. Hell I am 24, I was one of the first generation to receive the Halloween custom, thrust upon us by the mighty cultural imperialist Satan. However I differ from the little blighters that stomped up to my door this evening in a couple of key areas.

Firstly, when I was young Halloween afternoon consisted of spending the afternoon cutting holes in an old sheet or applying mascara for the first time to make myself look like a dead GI Joe. Kids these days simply drag Mum to the nearest warehouse for a pre-packaged witches outfit or worse a spiderman outfit. This shows up the difference between myself being an innocent and fun loving - lolly chasing 80's child, and today's 00's pre-packaged candy consumer. Kids these days turn up on the doorstep looking like they have come from a movie set and I despise them. I mean they aren't even scared of urban ledgends like the one about the kids that died because some crazy old lady put cyanide in their chocolate. No, their scared parents checked the validity of the story on

Its just not the same.

Secondly and more importantly there is the simple matter of the traditional Halloween proposition that is struck after the child knocks on the door and I open it.

Kids - Knock, knock.
Me - (opening door) "Yes, can I help you. Oh look a Styrofoam witches mask with non-toxic/caustic, biodegradable fake blood and a spiderman on Halloween - ha."
Kids - (smiling) "Trick or Treat!"
Me - "Trick!"
Kids = Puzzled.

This is the fundamental problem with kids and Halloween today. There is no plan B. There is only treat, never any trick. It is fundamental when undertaking a Halloween lolly grab to have a trick to play if some old shite doesn't live up to their end of the bargain. But for too long I guess kids just got the pay without having to hiff waterballons or eggs at their next door neighbors. When I was young, me and my gang use to get people to turn around and close their eyes, then tell the homeowner we were going to blow up there house, then light some fireworks and get them to turn back around before the "rainbow dragon" exploded safely in the front lawn - putting a smile on their faces and extra treats in our loot bag as reward for our ingenious trick. No such luck with the little kiddies now days.

Me - "You know, Trick! As in trick or treat??!?!?
Kids - (Shurgs shoulders)
Kid's mother - (looks on impatiently)
Me - "I steadfastly refuse to give you something unless you pull a trick on me, you know in my day we use to have to................"
Kids - "Ummmmm"
Me - "You don't have a trick do you? Look I cant give you anything - I am sorry, please come back when you know the meaning of Halloween. And tell your friends about me."
Kids - (doesn't really know what to do) "Uhh, Okkkay."
Kid's mother - (Shoots me a look, then takes child by the hand along to the next unsuspecting household)

Me - I feel bad at first for this exchange, but then steel in my resolve. I know I am right about this one and the youth today need to learn.

Me - Its now 5 hours after the exchange. I went outside to hopefully see ribbons of toletpaper and a smattering of chicken eggs adorning my house as retribution for my earlier position.


What is wrong with the youth of today?


  • when i was living in Kingsland (there's the starter that shows my inability to acknowledge my inner geek by constantly referring to that brief time when i lived somewhere cool) some treaters came to the door at Halloween and we had a certain leftie woman of your acquaintance visiting at the time. i was quite ill and totally not up to treaters and so she answered the door and they did their routine and she said "Actually it's Parihaka day". stunned and puzzled silence from the kids. "Do you know what that means?" says A. now sullen silence from kids. "I tell you what, I don't have any treats so how about I tell you the story of Parihaka instead" and thus A did. and then she told them to tell all their friends and they left empty-handed and confused.

    it was great.

    By Blogger Span, at 4:56 pm  

  • They did not leave empty handed. They learnt something. And they learnt not to bother with your house next year.

    Oh, but did they egg your house later on??

    By Blogger Constar, at 9:04 pm  

  • I was never an egg-thrower - even back then, I preffered not to waste food...

    I was always big on the toilet paper though, and double happy's (before they got banned).

    speaking of which, i found my last double happy the other day...i'm gonna use it this weekend. ah, the end of an era.

    By Blogger Asher, at 3:11 pm  

  • Double happy eh? Excellent. Good luck with it though, I hope the wick is somewhat useful. From memory a large percentage of double happys wicks burnt down into the firecracker before extinguishing. This ment one had to risk the lighter around hoping that something would catch alight, give some kind of warning hiss before exploding.
    Otherwise one would have to give up, break it in half and light the fizzer - not as much fun.

    Lets hope your wick is still good after all these years...

    By Blogger Constar, at 10:30 pm  

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